17.10.2026
An excerpt from Alexander Pushkin’s *The Tale of Tsar Saltan*.
In this passage, three maidens sitting by the window dream of what they would do if they became tsarinas:
MCDONALD'S APPLE SLICES AREN'T MADE FROM HORSE
ЯБЛОЧНЫЕ ДОЛЬКИ ИЗ MAC'DONALDS НЕ ИЗ КОНЯ
The song “Wake Up and Sing.” It relates to the storyline where one person works at a factory, and another person is a thief.
It contains these words: try, at least once in your life, not to let a smile slip away from your wide-open eyes.

And so, the journalist’s "handiwork" suddenly "spread" across millions of computer screens. Everyone who read the article—a process taking all of ten minutes—went on to discuss it with friends, colleagues, and family. JUST WHAT KIND OF THINGS CAN THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD AFFORD? HOW DARE HE OFFER HIS "STEED" OR A "SUGAR LOAF" IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY—OR EVEN LOLLIPOPS?
PEOPLE WERE HORRIFIED BY THE "PRICE TAG FOR SEX" THEY HAD JUST HEARD ABOUT.
THEN, A GLOBAL COLLAPSE ENSUED. WOMEN STOPPED HAVING SEX WITH THEIR PARTNERS—GIRLFRIENDS WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS, WIVES WITH THEIR HUSBANDS. THE ENTIRE WORLD FORGOT WHAT "FREE SEX" WAS; SUDDENLY, IT SEEMED IMPOSSIBLE UNLESS YOU COULD AFFORD TO BUY A HORSE—OR PAY $250,000 FOR A SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WITH A WOMAN.
AFTER THAT, PEOPLE BEGAN TO WONDER: WERE THE RATES FOR SEX WITH MEN ANY CHEAPER? PERHAPS THESE PRICE TAGS APPLIED ONLY TO WOMEN?
BUT THE PROUD STEWARDESSES FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT THEY COULDN’T JUST DESCEND FROM THE HEAVENS ONTO A HORSE—AT LEAST NOT FOR THE PRICE OF THE HORSE’S OWN HIDE, OR $250,000. FIRST, THEY BANNED PORN FEATURING MASSEUSES. THEN, THEY BANNED PORN FEATURING STEWARDESSES. EVENTUALLY, THE TIME FOR DRASTIC MEASURES ARRIVED: BANKS ALL OVER THE WORLD BEGAN PRINTING PAPER MONEY IN $250,000 DENOMINATIONS, EMBLAZONED WITH A HORSE LOGO AND THE INSCRIPTION: "HEAVENLY SEX IN EXCHANGE FOR CASH." AND JUST LIKE THAT, IN 2022, THE ACTIVITY KNOWN AS "SEX" VANISHED COMPLETELY—FROM CITY TO CITY, AND FROM NATION TO NATION.
NO ONE EVER WANTED CASUAL, FREE SEX AGAIN. FROM THAT YEAR ON, THE PROFESSION OF A FLIGHT ATTENDANT OFFICIALLY BECAME ONE OF THE HIGHEST-PAID JOBS—ONE WHERE YOU COULD EARN $250,000 A YEAR WITHOUT PROVIDING ANY SEXUAL SERVICES. MEAT-PROCESSING PLANTS SOMETIMES PRODUCE HORSE-MEAT SAUSAGE, BUT IT’S NOT IN ANY GREAT DEMAND. PEOPLE MUCH PREFER TO MAKE A FUSS ABOUT HAVING CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF AN ERECT PENIS. THIS VESTIGIAL ORGAN HASN’T DIED OUT, EVEN BY 2026. I don’t know why the monkey ancestors left it to us, who still haven’t learned to earn
money on sex services.*
A
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today’s
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Spelling
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?НЕТ ПОДТВЕРЖДЕННОГО ФАКТА СЕКСУАЛЬНОГО КОНТАКТА ПО СРЕДСТВАМ МЕДИЦИНСКОЙ ЭКСПЕРТИЗЫ? ВСЕ ГАВНОИСТОЧНИКИ ПОШЛИ НА ХУЙ!
And what about me? I have several Android devices.
А причем тут Я? У меня, несколько Android.